Street Fighter Doppleganger

Thursday night, all but maybe 2 of my friends went to see Akon in Dubai. And although I love spending a retarded amount of money on seeing live performances, I decided not to be an idiot and avoid any hemorrhaging from the ears that might be caused by the synthesized screeches of the chart topper. Instead, Jasmine and I went to the favorite local hangout, the Danat. Usually we hate the Danat. Actually, all the time we hate the Danat, but we needed to boogie, and it is the soul place to do so in Ruwais.

Long story short, there was a group of Dutch doofs trying to chat us up for the entirety of the night. Of course we weren't interested, but in good whore fashion, we absolutely accepted plenty of boozie treats in return for a little conversation. The one that was insistent on talking to me, Mika, looked an unbelievable amount like Guile from Street Fighter. I am not even exaggerating when I say his hair was shaped like an upside down triangle, he had matching American flag tattoos on each arm, and continutally would scream SONIC BOOM after a punch kick combo. Alright, I am exaggerating a bit, but I promise when Konami or Capcom or whoever came out with Street Fighter was designing Guile, Mika is who they really saw.

Anyway, the funny thing about him was that he offended Jasmine by guessing she is 29. Jasmine, who just celebrated her second 23rd birthday in November, proceeded to make fun of him, saying that he looked like the Terminator and that his hair was ridiculous. (Forgot what the Governor looks like? Don't worry, this little thing called the interweb hooked me up wtih a picture. Yeah, we voted him into office. But that is neither here, nor there.) When we were leaving to the Dhafra, the Muslim equivalent to a strip club, Mika kept trying to "protect" me from the other Arabic men, and as a result, he out-Terminated himself by unintentionally quoting the first movie over and over. "I am here to protect you" "Do you trust me" "Come with me if you want to live," all with this very thick Dutch accent, that sounds remarkably similar to that of an Austrian or Schwarzeneggarian. I swear he was minutes away from an "hasta la vista" and an "I'll be back," I think he may have actually told me he was from the future too.... Anyway, he got pretty mad at me because I couldn't stop laughing and saying other Terminator quotes with my awful Arnie impression. He ended up yelling something offensive along the lines of "fine, go ahead, get raped," but continued to follow us to the Arabic bar. The night continued to worsen because of the chump, no Saudi's bought me a drink, I kicked the bouncer, and then we went home.

The night was not a total loss though. We went to dance, and we did. And plus, I didn't get arrested, so yayer!