Flight Deets:

Okay, so on June 24, I fly with Etihad from Abu Dhabi at 10:05 am, booze my brains out with one of these skirts for 14.25 hours, and arrive in JFK at 4:30 pm tired and hungover.


Then 2 hours later, I jump on an American Airlines flight to LAX at 6:45 pm, accept only complimentary coffee, tea, or soda for my 6.25 hour voyage, hopefully not with this limp haired party animal, and arrive in the sunshine state just in time to go to bed at 10:45 pm.



Approx. total flight time: 20.5 hours.
Approx. total travel time: 23.75 hours.
Arriving in the best state, in best country: priceless.

The Gate Keeper

For me, the title of a Gate Keeper usually conjures up some images of either a dark, mysterious figure that hold the power of opening and closing some important entrance, or like a 3-headed dog that eats whoever is not invited into Hades.

Fortunately for Choueifat, our gate keeper is Rashide. Yes he is dark, yes he is mysterious, no he is not 3-headed, yes he guards hell. Also he loves saying cowabunga and eat my shorts. On a more serious note though, he is in control of my air conditioning, so I'm nice to him, or else he let's the fire ablaze.

Happy Bday Jackie

Today, for Jackie's bday, I baked my newest specialty, Happy Cakes.

It's an absolute party in a cup! It's also, the second gayest thing in a cup, the first, of course being Clay Aiken's wiener when playing baseball. Ha, who am I kidding?! Aiken has never played baseball in his life.

I got* the recipe idea from omnomicon.com.

*stole. But I refuse to really acknowledge that. I tend to take recipes as my own all the time. Has anyone ever tried an Oh Dana Bar f.k.a. Mary Wilson's Really Good Dessert That She Brought to an AP Physics Picnic? Because they are an absolute party in my mouth!!




Here's the first one I ever did for Nasima's bday. Omnomicon told me to make it diet, so I did. All I used was a packet of cake mix and a can of Diet Sprite. Yeah, it worked. Yeah, it was bomb. Yeah, it was only 1 Weight Watchers point per slice!

uh oh

If only baba* knew, he would be giving Alreem some beatings!

I think there is some love a brewing between Alreem and Abdul Rahman. Notice her lipstick?


Now notice his?!



Dare I say hubba hubba?!


I wonder how much Alreem's dowry would be?


*that's every other languages way of saying daddy

James, YOU'RE THE FUCKING BOMB!

I have yet to thank James for this most beautiful display of propaganda, so I thought what better way, than to blog about it.

Dearest James,

First off I'm in tears. And B, I'm in hysterics! Everything is beautiful. The witty minimalism, the amazing fonts, the orange, white, light blue, and black color scheme. It is absolutely fantastic. And I thought I couldn't get any more excited!

I love you. We really don't say it enough.

Love,
Dana

I heard there was talk about getting Matt piss drunk and writing the invitation on his face, and then taking a picture of it. I think I like this option a little better. This way way we can capture his thoughts too right!?

Mr. Rob loves cooking for the masses. I just hope you like meat and Ace Miners BBQ sauce, because if you don't, that's cool too. You don't like hot dogs? Fine, I'm sure there will also be some ribs. You don't eat red meat? Whatever, he'll make up some chicken. You're a vegetarian? Done, he'll make you a boca burger and call you gay. Just as a warning, he loves to complain and pretend to be put out, but really, he secretly loves to accommodate.

At my 16th "Under the Sea" Danapalooza, Jeremy was able to eat 9 full hot dogs and a bite of a 10th, winning some candy or something and an unforgettable night with Matty Gay in my bed. Then 5 years and some change later, he lost his title of Most Gratuitous Competitive Eater in the Greater Five Cities Area to Whitney Furness. I forget the details, but it included Jack in the Box hamburgers, eating regurgitation, trying to puke, and Sarah Gong. I have the video somewhere, maybe I'll do something with it.

It is true, once Matt gets a few wine coolers in him, the Vans come off, as well as everything else. It is a pretty sight. Brandon and Grace can attest to it.

Nothing captures America, radness, and parties quite like fireworks. If only I would have grabbed some in China!

Anyway, I love the shit out of everyone that is helping the planning process (eg, my mom and dad, Matt and James), and I seriously cannot wait to be home.

Danapalooza ooh 9! Be there, or die.

Update on the weather:

Right now at 10 PM I just got back from a walk. I was SWEATING. Like all over, embarrassed-to-see-people-through-my-clothes sweating.

I looked up how hot it is. 90, feels like 102. Nice.

Overall days

Every weekend, I open my closet, and curse the fact that I did not bring my favorite piece of clothing with me to this rad* hole. Overalls are the perfect laid back uniform for the weekends. They're light, breezy, and say, "yes I know you used to think we were dorky, but now, after seeing us so effortlessly pulled off by this non-plumber/farmer, you are reconsidering your prior bigotry."

So I was looking through my pictures, trying to see photographic evidence of my beloved cover-up combo, and to put it plainly, there are none past sophomore year, which begs the question: Did I stop wearing them when I became an upper classmen? It can't be. It isn't true. I am going to put them on first thing when I get home, over a bikini of course. Because that's allowed in Amurica. So is boozing it up your friends, which is also what I'm going to do first thing.

Freshman year.

Sophomore year.

Also, I think I'm going to cry right now. I miss these two like it's my job.


*hell

It's getting hott in her

So put on some more clothes, I am gettin' so hot, I'm gonna put more clothes on (because this is the Gulf and they go wild for ankle action).

This week's weather forecast includes unseasonably hot with blazing sunshine, blazing sunshine and unseasonably hot, and sizzling sunshine and unseasonably hot. Lucky me.



Also what is this "feels like" BS? Why don't they just use that measurement? How are they even able to calculate the other temperature if it feels like something different? I am just saying, it makes little sense. I'll ask alan to make a little more sense out of it for me.

KEYT's weatherman Alan Rose.
Seriously though, this guy looks like a Mad TV version of George Bush. Not even SNL, Mad TV.
"It's the sation I watch," says Oprah at every commercial.

1 Moore month!!

It was like my name was made for countdowns!

See you in a month y'all. That's a 30 day month, and not a 31 or 28/29 day month. I could poop myself with excitement.

I'll keep you updated with flight details so you all will be able to welcome me at the airport.

Street Fighter Doppleganger

Thursday night, all but maybe 2 of my friends went to see Akon in Dubai. And although I love spending a retarded amount of money on seeing live performances, I decided not to be an idiot and avoid any hemorrhaging from the ears that might be caused by the synthesized screeches of the chart topper. Instead, Jasmine and I went to the favorite local hangout, the Danat. Usually we hate the Danat. Actually, all the time we hate the Danat, but we needed to boogie, and it is the soul place to do so in Ruwais.

Long story short, there was a group of Dutch doofs trying to chat us up for the entirety of the night. Of course we weren't interested, but in good whore fashion, we absolutely accepted plenty of boozie treats in return for a little conversation. The one that was insistent on talking to me, Mika, looked an unbelievable amount like Guile from Street Fighter. I am not even exaggerating when I say his hair was shaped like an upside down triangle, he had matching American flag tattoos on each arm, and continutally would scream SONIC BOOM after a punch kick combo. Alright, I am exaggerating a bit, but I promise when Konami or Capcom or whoever came out with Street Fighter was designing Guile, Mika is who they really saw.

Anyway, the funny thing about him was that he offended Jasmine by guessing she is 29. Jasmine, who just celebrated her second 23rd birthday in November, proceeded to make fun of him, saying that he looked like the Terminator and that his hair was ridiculous. (Forgot what the Governor looks like? Don't worry, this little thing called the interweb hooked me up wtih a picture. Yeah, we voted him into office. But that is neither here, nor there.) When we were leaving to the Dhafra, the Muslim equivalent to a strip club, Mika kept trying to "protect" me from the other Arabic men, and as a result, he out-Terminated himself by unintentionally quoting the first movie over and over. "I am here to protect you" "Do you trust me" "Come with me if you want to live," all with this very thick Dutch accent, that sounds remarkably similar to that of an Austrian or Schwarzeneggarian. I swear he was minutes away from an "hasta la vista" and an "I'll be back," I think he may have actually told me he was from the future too.... Anyway, he got pretty mad at me because I couldn't stop laughing and saying other Terminator quotes with my awful Arnie impression. He ended up yelling something offensive along the lines of "fine, go ahead, get raped," but continued to follow us to the Arabic bar. The night continued to worsen because of the chump, no Saudi's bought me a drink, I kicked the bouncer, and then we went home.

The night was not a total loss though. We went to dance, and we did. And plus, I didn't get arrested, so yayer!

Update on the immortal fly

I took it out from the depths of my ass AND THAT BITCH WAS STILL ALIVE!

Should I keep it?? I think it could be made of diamonds.

Too late, I stabbed it to death with my pluckers.

This place has a weird sense of humor

First I kill a lizard on a run.

Now this time I killed a fly. It was caught in my massive cleavage, cheeky little thing, in my very fabulous new sports bra (that really does keep me cool). Anyway, I felt a tickle, and thinking it was a hair, I pulled out what I thought to be a jumping spider. So I yelped and dropped it. Then it flew into my computer, where the fan thing is. I grabbed a tissue and squished it immediately. But it wouldn't die. So I crushed it again. I felt it crack. It survived. I pounded it with my fist. It still didn't. I am sitting on it as we speak. This guy wants to play rough, then bring it on! I can go all day.

Wanna see some funny lookin' kids?

Eman and sweaty sweaty Bryan.

Zayed Al Hosani, looking guilty as ever!

Zayed Zeail. My crown jewel.

Wanna see some pretty kids?

Bryan and Tariq.

Rahaf and Pradita. (Okay, kinda a stretch on the pretty, but sometimes they can be quite cute, no they're pretty, I'm sure of it.)


Alreem and Nekesha. (Nekesha is dreadfully shy, and is practically balding, but if you tell her she is pretty, she will smile a smile to melt the coldest of hearts. Alreem is going to be a dime ... after braces of course.)

almostdidn'thappenpalooza

So May 11th, as you may* already know, is my birthday, and normally on and around that day I do all of my favorite things in celebration of my favorite person. This year, however, I was not that amped for it as much as I have been in the past. I did not have any concrete plans, plus I was away from those who have experienced past Danapaloozas. So I intended to celebrate slightly with my class, which is not allowed (it's not the Sabis way), go out to dinner at the only non-fast food restaurant in Ruwais housing complex with my friends, and in bed hopefully by 9:30. Instead, I got to celebrate mildly with my kids, have a Surpriseopalooza/Spaceopalooza, and was not in bed until 3. It was very very much appreciated.

Here's the photographic evidence that at least more than one person (being myself) loves me in the Middies.

Playing with clay instead of doing worksheets: Hessa, Mutia, Waad

"Party" hats made of paper plates.

Having a little difficulty.

I promise Rahaf is cuter than she looks in this picture. Pradita is about that cute in reality though.

Eman, being cute.

After I told them to get back in their seats. This is not Eman's seat. Look at that creep face AR making!


Don't be fooled, this boy is the world's cutest, most affectionate, sweetest asshole, and I love him.

Nitish the Dish.
Self indulging in a little self portrait fest.

You take one with a favorite, then every mediocre kid wants one.

Waad and I, though a very messed with setting.

Playing with their "maracas" made from paper plates during music.

Getting to color with their party hats on!

Hessa's end result.

My reaction! I'm keeping that NASA turned DANA sign for the rest of my life!

Couldn't me happier!

The treasures in my piñata and it's craftswoman slash hostess of the bash, who spent a solid 2 weeks on the AMAZING decorations.

Americans!

Qaisya from KG1E (Jasmine's class) got me some very nice Arabic perfume.

Uh oh! I think home has got some competition in the cake making dept. Victorian sponge rocket cake, ready for take off!

Ruwais, we have a problem.

Crisis averted. (Too many astro-references?? Not possible)

*should

Amie already has this belt!

I don't know how to rotate! I'm the worst blogger ever!

Has Mango been shopping at California Kool and selling their merch for 15 times the price? Cleva gerl.

um 1932 called, it wants its racism back *heyo*

Dear Hallmark,

Just a friendly reminder, it is no longer appropriate to sell Sambo figurines in your store. Although the golliwogs were once hilarious and "life-like," now they are both outdated and racist. Plus they are creepy and weird, not to mention, useless. People simply don't* like collecting retarded statuettes**.

Sincerley,
LISAA



*shouldn't
** even ones where candy comes out its mouth. Eat the candy and grow up y'all. You are only making a mess out of your closet!

just a taste of my bday (Moore to come)

Can't find my USB cord connector thing for my camera, and only one of my friends have posted pics of my fabulous Surprise Ruwaisian Danapalooza.

Here is me pwning a piñata that Jasmine made to look like the sun. It's just like in that movie Sunshine, where that guy from 28 Days Later and that other guy from Fantastic 4 have to reboot the sun with nuclear weapons because it is slowly burning out, and that scary sunburned dude kills everyone on the ship with scalpel...

Yeah, I used to play softball.