Friday, April 09, 2010

Uh oh.

I need a new black eye shadow. This one's cursed.

Tell me that doesn't look like a skull. You can't. My eyeshadow is possesed by a dead baby or perhaps a sloth.

- Posted from dPhone

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Spring had sprung

And it looks good.

At the risk of sounding douchey, the smell of jasmines really do bring me back to my Arabian nights.

- Posted from dPhone

How I spend my time at work 3

Data entry

Custom House in Avila has this special where you get a free meal on your birthday month. So when the birthday specials get used, I input them into the database. I get to see their address, birthday, and even what they ordered. Most of the names are boring, but some are not:

You've got to be joking me right?!

But no, this dude turned like 50 and ordered like a steak and wine.

Word to the wise, if your name is Richard Caddy, do not go by Dick.

How I spend my time at work 2


Quick background- we have a dishwasher. There is no set cleaning schedule. So on occasion, you don't know if the dishes are dirty or clean. Here was my solution.

With the help of my beautiful assistant/apprentice, Larissa from the Compass Health, Inc. Art Department (that's the Inc. part of Compass Health), I made some handy dishwasher labels.

(Front, or really back)

(Back, or could be front)

These were the prototypes before I acquired Larissa's expertise.
Because nothing says dirty like Old English lettering, and nothing says clean like cursive.

How I spend my time at work 1

Making rubber band balls.

So anyone who has ever made a rubber band ball knows, it is a long and patient process. I started this ball with ONE tiny rubber band. Be impressed. And this is it's progress at Day 2 weeks or something. There are probably like 30 rubber bands in there. I actually have no idea, and am notoriously awful at estimating, but just stop. Let yourself be impressed. I included the .5 mechanical pencil for a little perspective.

Here's the ball as of March 29th. I used a clip this time to show perspective. Boom, way bigger.

Okay, so it was the small clip. Still, just be impressed. They are hard to start. It is very similar to a gum wad. It's just not going to grow over night.

- Posted from dPhone

Crumb ate a gopher

And I've never been prouder. And like a good little boy watching his girlish figure, he purged that shit up. Look I don't know how many calories a gopher is, but better safe than sorry if you ask me. Oh bulimia jokes. Never get old. Anyway, even if he wasn't battling his own inner demons, I don't think his little tummy could handle digesting the skull of this miniature mole-like mammal. Plus, like they always say, better the skull come out the front than out the back. They don't always say that, but I'm sure it is easier to vomit a cranium that poo one out. Like the opposite of an arrow. Do not push it through!

As you can see if you look closely, this is the little punks head, complete with eye and extra throw-up.

What, not enough? What, you want more?

I had to quit. I was about to ralph a rodent myself.

Geocaching with Jerm

Don't know what geocaching is? That's fine. I'll help you figure it out. Just go to this link: and type in "what is geocaching?"

Still don't know? Here are some pictorial clues:

1) He's looking for something....

2) That's obviously the wrong place.

3) We've found something.

4) Success!

The real success was Jeremy wearing cargo, sorry caching, pants. And as always, my Huckleberry Finn shorts.

Beach day with baby and friends.

This kid sure knows how to chill...

But he also knows how to party.

- Posted from dPhone

Another sign of a good weekend

Thinking this is super funny.

Phone in to-go container.

- Posted from dPhone

Sign of a good weekend.

She got bruised, I got a bad nights rest and a straw stuck up my vag.

Uh Grace, battered women of America called, they want their arm back.

And also Grace, good job on remembering how you got the bruise..... Not!

On another note, thank you me for the 90s jokes.

- Posted from dPhone

Tsunami warning in Pismo.

Watch out Pier Gifts.

Note: this picture is kinda old.
I just can't help but live a good natural disaster though.

- Posted from dPhone