POPS IS COMING!

I'm very excited!

This is the tentative plan, because I know you all are oh so interested :

• Fri- 4/3: Pops arrives in Dubai around 5:30 pm. We check into our swanky, yet affordable hotel. HOTEL TIME! I hope they have high ceilings because the last time I got to have hotel time with pops, I was a bit shorter then, and couldn't jump as high! Walk to the fabulous Mall of the Emirates, I buy a camera, dad hits the slopes for some indoor skiing. We grab a shwarma before hittin' the hay.
  
• Sat- 4/4: Wake up to sunny Dubai. I show dad the architectural wonders that prove the UAE must be compensating for something including the Burj Al Arab, and the Burj Dubai. then relax by the pool until our desert safari, which commences at 4. Then we will dune bash (which is a fancy way of saying 'mobbing,' which is a white trash Bako way of saying 'driving a 4x4 in the dunes while scarying the living daylights out of the passangers'), camel ride, sand surf, see how the Bedouins lived, get henna, do sheesha, eat BBQ meats, belly dance (well watch it, I do not B dance myself... maybe pops will be into it... OH MY GOSH, he better not be into it! I will die! I'm dying just thinking about him dancing!), and drink. Then it's back to the hotel by 10!
  
• Sun- 4/5: Pool time until check out. Catch a taxi to Sharjah for flight to Alexandria, Egypt at 15:00 courtesy of Air Arabia. I swore I'd never fly them again, but their cheap deals are just too intising! Arrive in Alexandria at 17:00 (3 hour flight with 2 hour time difference). Take in the Mediterranian for the rest of the night.
• Sat- 4/6: Wake up early-ish to go to the WWII thing my dad wants to see. Something about some attack from Tabrouq. You'll have to ask him. Or wikipedia it yourself. See the Kom Al Shoqafa catacombs. Take in the last of the Mediterranian, then leave for Cairo by the night.
  
• Sun- 4/7: Wake up in Cairo for an AM tour of the pyramids and sphyinx. Pops wants to see the sunrise on the pyramids, but I'd settle for sunset. Then I plan to find a baby in the Nile, survive some plagues, set an army of Jewish slaves free, part the Red Sea, wander the desert for 40 years, oh and check out some of the markets. I hear they drive a hard bargin, but I'd like to brave 'em.
  
• Mon- 4/8: Depart Cairo for Abu Dhabi at 9:00. Arrive in Abu Dhabi at 14:00. Sitesee a little in Abu Dhabi which means drive by the rad mosque and the Palace hotel. Maybe go to a mall, but probably not. Show dad what I do every weekend, then drive back to Ruwais. Do the Danat (our Western bar, and by Western I mean Philipino) then do the Dhafra (our Arabic bar. Arabic bar? you ask. Yes, Arabic bar. But I thought Muslims weren't allowed to booze? Oh they're not. That's why no cameras allowed. It's where I accidentally bump into my students' dads, and then they pretend to not notice the blonde teacher at school on Sunday when they are dropping off their little Zayed. That really hasn't happened... yet).
  
• Tues- 4/9: Tour de Ruwais. Show Pops KG1D! Go to the Danat beach which is much nicer than their bar and finally catch some much needed vitamin D.
  
• Wed- 4/10: Dad leaves in great Moore fashion- at the buttcrack of dawn, kisses, hugs, tears, then I celebrate Haley Joel Osment's birthday.

Can't wait! Just 3 days!

PS 88 days 'til I come home!! And 44 days 'til I'm 23!! (ew)

Sick thunder and lightning in the middies

For the past two days there has been some awesome storming. It rained relatively a lot, but there has been some wicked lightning followed by some decent thunders. It's raining now, and it sounds great! I'm gonna open my window and let in some music, let in some heat, then fall asleep. Yes it is still hot, probably in the 80s, and yes, I'm going to bed around 9:20.

Nighty night.

LOST:

Awesome Canon camera stolen and mediocre orange Nokia cell. Last seen in my purse at the Danat. Not offering reward although good karma is a bonus.

Give it back jerk. Where ever you are.

Freud would have a field day with my class

Artist: Ghina Ghina Pumpkin Eata

Don't worry, I will post every phallic picture my tots draw up. I'm just so proud, ya know.

86? Oh I'm SOO SURE!!!

According to my weather widget from Apple, it is only 86, but honestly, it feels like I am standing too close to a fire. Like the same heat you feel at a bon fire, I feel here, except I don't have marshmallows to set aflame!

It's a good thing they don't have like brush out here, or else the UAE F.D. would be up to their dish dashes in puttin' out fires, or rather the Italian's in the UAE F.D. would be up to the their pizzas and meatballs in puttin' out fires.

Uncle Fester gives the thumbs up!

Yo how much does Abdul Rahman actually look like Gomez's brother (and kinda the pope)!

Dramz in the Middies

Dust off those yellow fireman outfits boys, because apparently solid concrete apartment buildings are flammable.


I don't know the details, but I do know that despite being in the United Arab Emirates, the Ruwais Fire Department does not actually employ Arab Emiratis, but rather what seemed to be fair Italians. Also, as Jasmine and I were passing on our way home for lunch, whilst taking pictures of the boring scene, one very charming and polite fireman said to me "Is this your apparentment?? What did you do??" I wish I could type sarcasm, but really, he should be so lucky to get to stretch out his suspenders for some play. I heard the action the RFD got to see was a grease fire in '92 or something.

Draw 5 WHAT!?

I don't even know what I am supposed to say to my 4 year olds, but who approved this worksheet? Or should I say workshit!

The kids called it a snake, Miss Anita called it a worm, I called it a tadpole, but consensus agrees it's jizz.

You should see how the kids drew it! It's practically porn/biology. Maybe I'll be able to take some pics by the end of the week. Keep your fingers on your hairy palms crossed.

PS notice how it is even next to a sock?? I'm surprised they didn't have the kids draw 8 bottles of Jergens and 6 JC Penny Catalogs.

I know you like it!

Maybe not half as much as I do, but Baby Hessa sure looks good in Wayfarers!

And I just can't seem to get enough of, I just can't get enough, no I just can't get enough.

The heat is back, and it's not alone!

For the past 2 months, I have been easing my transition into the desert with a fairly temperate climate, averaging at about 73-75, or as they say it here, and other retarded areas of the world, 22-23. Very comfortable to say the least. But this week, it looks like I can say au revoir to dry pits/small of my back, and bonjour to sweat. But that is the least of my worries; with the heat has come the flies... in spades! Shannon would be shitting herself, or just dead. Today, there were over 12 in my classroom alone! I killed 6; 2 off of a student (Zayed Zeail and Jacob), 3 who made the mistake of landing within my radius, and 1 I punched out of the air. Literally. It was very Rambo, and I am very proud of it.

Anyway, I have made an example out of them by spearing each with a toothpick and displaying their carcasses to show the other flies that I'm not messing around. But I mean who am I kidding, that shit is coming down tomorrow. The mear idea of 6 used toothpicks lining my whiteboard with dead flies beaded onto them makes me want to ralph everywhere.

Chouiefat better put up a screen by tomorrow or they are going to lose a very beautiful and talented KG teacher.

Emitalian stalker

While at the Danat the other night, I mistakenly gave my number to a very persistent half Emirati, half Italian man. Normally in these situations, I would either give them Grace/Shannon/CP's number, my home, or a fake number, but this time, I don't know, I was just warm enough to give him the real deal (don't judge). PS he had braces.

Okay so anyway, he called me like 3 times and texted me 3 times, but that's not the weirdest thing. The last time he called, he was sounding very sad and depressed because he said "I love Sabrina the Teenage Witch and you look so much like her. I thought I found my Sabrina the Teenage Witch." I told him to delete my number.

You know what though... He's absolutely right.

FAILS from the Middle East

rice cooker fail

candy store name fail

grater fail

An artist in the (bat)wings!

Who drew the picture above on the back of a worksheet dedicated to practicing the number 8?

a) a penis prodigy
b) Justin Dougherty before the chiefing signature was perfected
c) a prepubescent Superbad Seth
d) the curly haired adorable child below
e) a and d

Correct answer is d. Pervs.

Don't be so shy Weam, you gotta own what you are... (right Ball!?)

Daily dose of Hessa!

"Miss Dana, I opened my hair."


I wish I could type the way she talked.

Imagine you're in a horror movie that takes place on some tropical island getaway, and there is this evil sociopathic hotel owner that's carrying a bloody knife in which he has already killed most of your tour group with, and you are crying in a dark empty closet behind some venetian blinds, and you can hear him coming closer and can see his shadow, and then he says, "Miss Dana, I'm coming to get you," but in that like crazy, playful sounding way...

Anyway, that's how Hessa sounds.

What does that even mean anyway, I opened my hair? Usually she "opens" her hari by the end of each day and gives me her hair tie. Today she gave me this fabulous pink bow with these jewels on it, so I was glad she opened it. Also, after opening, she looks like a ragamuffin. It is adorable. She's just adorable!

Cockroach Love.

Get a room y'all, that's just gross!

More me in the M.E.

Dana JOOOSE!

Dana Ho ...tel

RT doesn't always mean Retarded Tingle.

It can sometimes mean Rat Tail.

Now you may have thought the RT left with the famous Matt Katt Ralph Bushbreaker, but no. Beautiful Merssal, who once had gorgeous hair that was soft, shiny, healthy hair, and albeit, kinda girly, now looks like a South East Asian gangster training to be a Muy Thai fighter and auditioning for Ong-bak 2.

I need to think of a clever nickname to match his ridiculous hair.

And how cute is Danis getting. When I first started he wouldn't even talk and couldn't even write. Now he is smiling and talking and looking adorable!

I'm a freaking teacher!

I've had a hard day at work, the kids were rowdy, Ms. Jenny's an idiot, my breaks were shortened, so of course I came home to vedge out and enjoy the start of my weekend on the couch. So as I'm lying down, surfing the old interweb I had an itch under my bra, like on my sternum, then I noticed there was actually something down there. Under my shirts, on my skin was a sticker. Like how does a sticker get in there!? A Fulla sticker to be exact too. Fulla is the Middle East's version of Barbie! Isn't she pretty all covered and fair?? All the girls in class are always like "Miss, me Fulla!" and I'd be like, "No, I'm Fulla" and of course that winds them up. But anyway, I took a picture me and my sticker, and as I am doing so, I noticed that I have the hairclips Ghina put in my dishevled hair. So I've got stickers on my inappropriates and messy hair with girly clips, I couldn't be more of a teacher. Earlier today I was covered with about 20 stickers, so I am actually surprised I'm not pooping stickers.

PS what is the deal with my nose? It looks schnozzy, right?!

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE:

BUT HOPEFULLY DEAD!

Idiot hooligans, spit 30 or so lugees on my precious Baby Blue!

That's right folks, a group of assholes spit nasty chunks onto the seat and handle bars of my sweet, pretty bike. F-ing gross!

When I catch them, and I will, I am going to cut them.

I've already been rehearsing what I am going to say/do.

"Are you the ****ers who spit on my bike?" Then I'm going to pin them down, slice them open, and spit some nasty green dusty wad onto their open wounds, and pray it gets infected.

Hopefully they aren't Emirati, because let's face it, I will be stoned to death for murdering small teenage boys.

It will all be worth it though, to avenge my Baby Blue.

PE time with Miss Jasmine's class

Every Thursday I get to mess around with the kiddies of KG1D and KG1E during PE, and by PE I mean Duck Duck Goose time and throw soft balls at each other time. It is fun, and it really ends the week on a high note. Here are some of Jasmine and my's sweaty kids:

Duck Duck Goose.

That sweaty Asian dream boat is Bryan. He is my smartest kid. I have a crush on his brother. I think it could be his father, but I am telling myself that it his his big brother.

You can see Jacob under the bench back there. He got PE taken away because he told Nitish to shut up. In all fairness, Nitish needed to shut up, but of course there are nicer ways to express that.

Pile on Miss Dana for some cuddles!

My head is literally 2 times the size of Zayed Zeail's, and only 1/2 as beautiful.
You should smell him! He smells as nice as he looks too!

My darling Hessa!
She is currently teaching me Arabic. "Miss, this in Arabic is..."
Also, we are so not supposed to be holding the kids, let alone taking pictures of it, so keep it on the DL. Shokran.