I'm a freaking teacher!

I've had a hard day at work, the kids were rowdy, Ms. Jenny's an idiot, my breaks were shortened, so of course I came home to vedge out and enjoy the start of my weekend on the couch. So as I'm lying down, surfing the old interweb I had an itch under my bra, like on my sternum, then I noticed there was actually something down there. Under my shirts, on my skin was a sticker. Like how does a sticker get in there!? A Fulla sticker to be exact too. Fulla is the Middle East's version of Barbie! Isn't she pretty all covered and fair?? All the girls in class are always like "Miss, me Fulla!" and I'd be like, "No, I'm Fulla" and of course that winds them up. But anyway, I took a picture me and my sticker, and as I am doing so, I noticed that I have the hairclips Ghina put in my dishevled hair. So I've got stickers on my inappropriates and messy hair with girly clips, I couldn't be more of a teacher. Earlier today I was covered with about 20 stickers, so I am actually surprised I'm not pooping stickers.

PS what is the deal with my nose? It looks schnozzy, right?!

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE:

BUT HOPEFULLY DEAD!

Idiot hooligans, spit 30 or so lugees on my precious Baby Blue!

That's right folks, a group of assholes spit nasty chunks onto the seat and handle bars of my sweet, pretty bike. F-ing gross!

When I catch them, and I will, I am going to cut them.

I've already been rehearsing what I am going to say/do.

"Are you the ****ers who spit on my bike?" Then I'm going to pin them down, slice them open, and spit some nasty green dusty wad onto their open wounds, and pray it gets infected.

Hopefully they aren't Emirati, because let's face it, I will be stoned to death for murdering small teenage boys.

It will all be worth it though, to avenge my Baby Blue.

PE time with Miss Jasmine's class

Every Thursday I get to mess around with the kiddies of KG1D and KG1E during PE, and by PE I mean Duck Duck Goose time and throw soft balls at each other time. It is fun, and it really ends the week on a high note. Here are some of Jasmine and my's sweaty kids:

Duck Duck Goose.

That sweaty Asian dream boat is Bryan. He is my smartest kid. I have a crush on his brother. I think it could be his father, but I am telling myself that it his his big brother.

You can see Jacob under the bench back there. He got PE taken away because he told Nitish to shut up. In all fairness, Nitish needed to shut up, but of course there are nicer ways to express that.

Pile on Miss Dana for some cuddles!

My head is literally 2 times the size of Zayed Zeail's, and only 1/2 as beautiful.
You should smell him! He smells as nice as he looks too!

My darling Hessa!
She is currently teaching me Arabic. "Miss, this in Arabic is..."
Also, we are so not supposed to be holding the kids, let alone taking pictures of it, so keep it on the DL. Shokran.

More funny things my kids say:

Jacob: "Who put saliva on my pencil??"

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Me to Jacob during language, when the kids are supposed to be drawing their favorite transportation (aeroplane, bus, bicycle, etc): "What's this?"
Jacob: "Company bus."
Me: "Okay, that is your favorite transportation..."

ONLY FOR MEN

This is Burger King's current ad campaign for Whoppers in the Middle East:


So of course not thinking the "men only" thing applied to Westerners, I went up to order one my way, but instead they handed me a burka, some pie dough, a rolling pin and told me to "get into the kitchen woman"... rude. So I opted for some crown shaped chicken tenders instead. Did you even know that they had those! I swear they used to be like lightening bolts!

Funny things my kids say:

Me: "So if it's blue and a berry, it is called...???"
Nitish: "A tomato!"
Me: "Close. A blueberry."

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Jacob: "Miss I got a piece of saliva in my eye."

Wait, what day is today?

Today I woke up late, watched a movie (Choke, it was a B/B- movie, written by Chuck Paliniuk but not as good as Fight Club), got into the kitchen and baked some chocolate chip cookies, went to the store to get baking powder and cream for sugar cookies, came home, made the batter to be chilled, snuck up to the roof to lay out because I need a private place where I can be half naked and actually expose my body to the sun, went back to my house after a maximum of 10 minutes on the roof (there were ants), baked sugar cookies in the shapes of my students' initials, mopped my house, went on the computer, and saw that my dear friend Crimeballs wrote on my facebook wall. Apparently today is Valentine's. Hmmm.

Anyway, I'm gonna get ready for my hot date with my computer and Hot Rod. Two movies in one day! It must be a holiday.

Have I shown you

how much the Middies love Dana. Apparently it means pearl in Arabic, so my name gets put on things like hotels and eggs.My favorite part about this picture, besides my name, is the reactions I got from people in the market when I took it. Like "who is this blond bitch" or "maybe that's how they do things in pink people land."

oh yeah

I'm blond again. I lasted, what, like a month as a brunette. Got it done at an Australian salon in Dubai. Look at me. And yes, she had to cut off a few precious inches.

lovely Ruwais

Last night I was supposed to go to the Ladies' gym for a swim with 2 of my friends and colleagues here, but unfortunately a sandstorm came up and we had to cancel on a count of that it was impossible to get to the gym without developing the black lung. I mean in all fairness, I wasn't that amped on swimming in a full body suit anyway. That's right, you have to wear a bathing suit that covers your knees and elbows in a women only gym. Gotta love the Middies!

With that said, here is some poor quality photographic evidence:

What the day after looks like. That's not fog. It's sand and it tastes like it.

This car was washed yesterday. I could already write some obsenities or a beg for a bath in its dust already.

My uninviting handrail. Good thing I've got the balance of a ... ballerina... I don't know whatever. I don't/won't use it.

If you're wondering

why you have to be invited now to read my oh so interesting stories abroad blog, it is because I was found out! One of my students googled his 5 year old name and came across this very site. He then told me about how he saw himself and the rest of KG1D, not to mention me, on the computer. So I was like "what" and he was like "I typed my name into the computer" and I was like "whhaat" and he was like "on the internet" and I was like "WHAT" and he was like "I saw a picture of us on the computer" and I was like "shit." So now this stupid thing is invitation only, so congrats, you were invited to this exclusive party. He then went on to tell me how he you tubed the ABCs and stuff but I was already bored and overwhelmed with the thought of this affecting my job. This blog is SO not Sabis approved!

Question: who lets their child run rampant on the internet reading non-child friendly blogs?

Answer: This kid's parents.

Masud

And I thought the internet was sacred.

Music time for KG1D!

So awesome Sabis requires you to do an hour of music a week, which is fine and fun, in fact I wish it were more, BUT they require certain songs to be sang like "1, 2, 3, 4, 5" and "The Colour Song" and "An Elephant Goes Like This and That." Now I don't know about you, but I have no idea what these songs are. And I cannot find them to download, legally of course, so instead, I downloaded a ton of other kids songs that I at least know the words to, then made a CD for the class so I wouldn't have to sing accapella anymore. The kids were amped to say the least. I let them go wild yesterday and dance and play with homemade maracas. Then Zayed Zeail went into my bag and found my sunglasses, so then music turned into a photo shoot. Don't tell Sabis.

This is the beautiful little devil who found the glasses!
I have been working on some nicknames for him and so far I got Z Bag and ZZ Top.

Weam far...

Weam close.

Weam really close. Cute isn't she? I wish I liked her more...
But she does sucks her thumb so obviously has a special place in my heart.

Ghina really wanted a picture of her in the glasses, but everyone was trying to take them.
Masud is the one in the back tryin to make his fingers into shades... it is not working.
Asad, doing whatever Masud does. And Weam.

My heart is melting! Hessa is amazing! I'm in love!

Super Nitish and Ghina.
Ghina doing a traditional Arabic dance during music. It was pretty cute!

Jacob hamming it up for the camera.

Some things about Zayed Al Hosani really scare me. Those are claws, not peace signs.

I don't care if Mugesh is cute, he acts like a baby and isn't progressing as well as the other children.

I could pinch Rahaf!

Waad's got the blues, literally. I think literally. That still works right... I mean she isn't blue, but she is depressed looking. I mean I'm not just commenting on her sunglasses and that it is like a blues-ey look.... okay whatever, it works.

Heisman Masud. PS We are still not doing well, but he doesn't know it.
Note the rest of the kids running a muck in the background. Gotta love them!

I seriously have the CUTEST KG! Look at these happy pretty kids.

My awesome helper Ms. Irene with Mutia, Rahaf, and Sevina.

Me trying to sneak in a pic with Mutia and Merssal. These little Indonesian darlings have some of the prettiest hair.